Is he ready or R we not?

March 11th - 4th day in spore

this is the 2nd time we are talking to Alex, the surgeon
the question is to op or not to op
but he has long pass the threshold
therefore the possibility of him making it with the surgery is probably 1% higher then the initial 10% of him not going thru the surgery

We are divided
N is not keen, seeing that the last op just did him worst thn good
A thinks its a chance that we should gamble

we dont know if dad is ready to go...
looking at his BP and heartbeat, which are still strong, even the docs think he may not be
but he is just too weak to go thru it all over again.
worst, he might just leave us in the operating theater.

So whr do we go from here?

A brought up a question
wat if he wasnt ready to go...n we stood by n did nothing
will he wake up in heaven n ask "who send me here?!!"

N retaliated
it could be the same...he might go in the operating theater
n wake up in heaven n ask "who put me thru all the pain?!!"

i keep quiet most of the time
n thn i spoke

i said "i think he is ready"
there was a pause
i could feel my voice eco-ing in the air...lingering a little in btwn the bustling of the crowd

he alr spoke to bro wat he wanted to be written on his tombstone
n while he held my hand n open his eyes today...he teared...n tried to say something...
it look as though he was pleading for me to let him go....
he is in much pain...wat if all the wanted to say was to plead for me to let him go?....

but i could be reading him wrongly
but tat look was painful....

my voice broke...."i think all the while he is ready...maybe he is ready...its just us...we are not ready to let go...."